What is the most highly-read article on this site?
Not surprisingly, the most-read article (so far) is the post that gives you a bullet-proof plan for escaping the friend zone.
The reason this post is so popular is that a lot of guys approach an attractive woman and can’t take the relationship to a physical or romantic level.
So, they get stuck being just a “friend” and believe me, being in this position SUCKS (trust me, I know).
What’s weird is how most guys end up in the Friend Zone without even knowing it.
Here are the three most common ways guys end up there:
Lying to Yourself
This part is tough to think about, but I’m going to give it to you guys straight. Why?
Because, someone once gave it to me straight and you deserve the same.
So, what is this “it” I’m talking about?
Some guys are in the Friend Zone because the woman likes the guy’s energy and personality but does not find him physically attractive.
Ouch. Stings, right?
Let’s think about this. If a woman likes you enough to hang out and talk to you consistently, there is some part of you that she finds appealing.
BUT, you may be lying to yourself and overlooking these facts:
- Your clothes are out-of-fashion or fit you poorly
- Your body is not in as good a shape as it could be
- Your grooming or hygiene could be better
- You don’t take charge or lead
- You accept any kind of bad behavior from women
What’s the good news here? Well, with a little effort and honesty (with yourself), almost every part of your physical appearance and attitude can be upgraded.
If you read How to Have a Major Dating Breakthrough in a Month, you know that once you stop lying to yourself, rapid change is possible.
Does upgrading yourself mean that your hot female friend will suddenly want to date you?
Maybe yes. Maybe no.
What upgrading DOES mean is that the next attractive woman you meet will probably like your personality AND your looks too.
With her, you will be in the Potential Boyfriend Zone (which beats the Friend Zone any way you cut it).
Being Too “Gentlemanly”
Okay, I promise not to mention any of that Jerks vs. Nice Guys crap.
What I will say is this:
If you are not taking charge and leading things along, some other guy will be happy to do it for you.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I have been Friend Zoned before because I didn’t want to make a physical move and “ruin the friendship.”
Yes, that was a while ago (college) but I distinctly remember doing all the following (as part of my “master scheme”):
- Not asking the girl out on a real, normal date
- Not initiating innocent and playful physical contact
- Not going for a kiss (despite several occasions where I could have done so)
Of course, my “master scheme” failed miserably because I thought I was proving what a great guy I was.
In reality, she got bored and ended up dating a new guy but wanted to keep me as a “friend” – which of course never works out (as I’m sure you already know).
Lesson? If you want a buddy, treat her like one.
If you want a girl to date, kiss, and sleep with, do the normal things you’d do with any potential girlfriend.
If she doesn’t reciprocate, save your feelings for the girl who will.
Misreading Her Signals
What’s the most painful part of being trapped in the Friend Zone?
Well, the worst part is thinking that you have a chance with her, doing more and more to get her to like you, and getting nowhere.
Here’s the question I have to ask though:
“If you are the faithful, dependable buddy who’s always there for her and she won’t even kiss you on the lips, could you be misreading her signals??”
The answer: Yes, you are misreading her signals if you feel anger on any level.
I remember one buddy who spent a ton of time and energy on a woman who he really liked.
When she ended up getting back together with her ex, my friend complained, “I can’t believe this. I gave that bitch everything and she goes back to him?!”
What was reality?
Well, the “bitch” was also someone I knew well and she was actually a nice person. She never lead him on, flirted, or sent the “I like you” signals in any way. She was just friendly.
Also, my buddy was not exactly an expert in judging a woman’s level of romantic interest.
He simply misread her signals, gave too much of himself, and then got angry at the outcome.
Just like lying to yourself can lead to doom, not paying attention can have the same effect.
Lesson? Pay attention.
If she never seems to show any interest in you romantically or physically, don’t put all your emotional eggs in one basket.
Don’t get angry. Date someone else (sound familiar?).
Plus, if you keep the first woman as a friend, you’re no longer in the friend zone, right?
You’re just a friend, not a guy waiting around for something to happen and later becoming frustrated when nothing ever does.
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