Have you ever met a guy in a social or professional setting who you didn’t like at first?
I’m not saying you disliked him but you just didn’t know him well enough to like him.
Then for some reason, you ended up small-talking with him. After a few minutes of chatting, he seemed like a nice guy but the conversation got a bit stale.
THEN, he mentioned that he collects comic books and you revealed to him that you do too. You started talking about the favorite ones in your collection and he remarked that he had some of the same ones.
You also talked about your favorite story-lines and all of the industry rumors that you’ve both read about on various online forums.
All of a sudden, this guy goes from stranger to Very Cool Dude in a matter of minutes.
What does this have to do with meeting and succeeding with women?
Stay with me for a second and I’ll tell you why.
How We Bond
What’s funny is that all of us have gone through the same experience I just mentioned. Maybe you didn’t bond with someone over comic books though.
Maybe you both bonded over your mutual love of sports, music, animals, technology, humor, books, politics, philosophy, or travel.
Maybe you both just bonded because you think the same way about some obscure things other people don’t seem to ever discuss.
No matter what, if you make friends with someone, it usually happens because you see some part of yourself validated in the other person.
Even if you have no idea how to make friends, this kind of thing happens on its own.
Now, when it comes to meeting a guy you don’t know, you didn’t try to impress him at first. You didn’t try to say things to make him like you.
More importantly, you weren’t nervous about what he would think of you in the beginning (hopefully).
You were just you.
Why Most Guys Fail
So, if you only were trying to impress another guy, you might have left out the fact that you love comic books because you wanted to sound “cool.”
Or worse, the subject of comics books may have come up but you pretended to not care because you wanted to sound “cool.”
Or worse yet, maybe you never talked to that guy in the first place because you assumed that he’s not the kind of guy who would want to speak to you.
Strangely, that same guy would later consider you to be very uncool and you would have lost a potential new friend.
The same dynamic can hurt you when meeting or dating new women in the following ways:
- You don’t approach and talk to a new woman because you think she won’t like you
- You don’t talk about your interests because you think she can’t relate to them
- You try to guess what she likes and only talk about those subjects or ideas
If you are trying to act like the version of a guy that you think she would like, you might miss out on making a real connection and even come across as “weird.”
This approach, in my opinion, is the most common reason guys fail with new women.
Yep, it’s the old “trying to be something you’re not” thing.
I’ve done it. You’ve done it. We’ve all done it.
Yes, it drives women away like the plague.
Now, here’s the cure…
Nobody Likes Anybody At First
There it is. The Cure.
Nobody likes anybody at first.
Say it. Think it. Remember it.
Well, this is partially true. If your reputation precedes you somehow or she thinks you’re physically attractive, you have a little edge.
Still, until you learn something about someone and find even the smallest mutual interest, no real bond can form.
What’s truly amazing is that with women, if you find mutual interests with her or if she likes your personality, you can actually become physically attractive to her.
Isn’t that crazy?
Just think, she doesn’t know you or think you’re particularly attractive at first.
You talk. You make her laugh. She likes your personality and SUDDENLY thinks you’re “kinda cute.”
What’s the takeaway here? Easy.
What to You Need to Know
- Don’t worry if a new woman likes you before approaching or talking to her
- Assume that if you are honest and authentic now, she WILL like you later
- Know that with women, personality can directly impact looks and attraction
When I was younger and had zero confidence with women, I remember seeing one buddy about to approach a very attractive girl (who he later dated for some time).
“How do you know she’ll like you?” I asked.
“Who cares?!” he shot back.
Today, I understand his response and hopefully you do too.
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