Years before I knew how to get out of a dating slump, I found myself in one of several “dry spells” I have experienced throughout my life.
Except this time, it was a long, lonely drought.
Now, I’d like to sit here and tell that you I was shy, out of shape, and wore clothes that were twenty-years from being in style, but that was not the case.
I was in great shape. I was wearing the latest styles. I was outgoing and chatted up any female that I possible could, but things just weren’t happening for me.
Sure, I could talk them up, but getting phone numbers and dates seemed like climbing Mt. Everest backwards and blindfolded.
This continued for a while, until I got some confusing (but helpful) advice.
The World’s Best Advice
I got the best advice from a buddy of mine who always seemed to be surrounded by attractive women.
After I mentioned my dry spell and poured my guts out, he just said this:
“If you wants girls to like you, you just have to NOT fail.”
When I was finished mocking my friend for his well-intentioned yet cryptic words, he explained it me more specifically.
When we got done talking, I was shocked.
I was shocked because he summed up everything I had been doing around women for the last few months without me even telling him.
But, what exactly was my worst bad habit?
One time I was consoling a different buddy of mine who was chatting up a girl that he considered to be exactly his type.
After getting shut down, he slinked back to me with this complaint:
“We had a great conversation and she laughed at all my jokes but she wouldn’t give me her phone number. I just got the old boyfriend excuse.”
Then, he went on to complain that maybe she would have responded differently if he just had bigger muscles, was taller, and had six-pack-abs and a Ferrari.
I laughed at that and told him, “Or, maybe she really does have a boyfriend.”
Okay, so which of us hasn’t gotten shut down and then ripped ourselves a new one after?!
I know I have.
Does this make you attractive to new women when you are mentally recalling all that parts of you that you hate?
The Ugly Side Effects
So, when I look back to my dry spell, I certainly had MANY moments of questioning and criticizing myself after.
No, there is no crime in taking a long, hard look at yourself for the positive purpose of motivating yourself toward self-improvement.
Just don’t beat yourself up during times you are interacting with new women.
If you do, you’ll suffer these side effects:
- You’ll waste time on thoughts that have nothing to do with meeting new women
- You’ll unconsciously give off a “sad sack” vibe (women can sniff this out)
- You may console yourself through eating, drinking, or sulking too much (all contributors to a less-attractive you)
Stop Beating Yourself Up
When I think back to the advice I received about focusing on not failing, it all makes sense now.
The reason it makes sense is because there are so many variables that are out of your control when trying to “succeed” with a new woman.
Her likes, dislikes, relationship status, mood, energy level, friends, dating past, schedule, and many other things will affect how she feels about you at the very moment you two meet.
The bottom line here?
If a woman rejects you early on, you will probably never really know the exact reason why.
The reason you beat yourself is you think you know the reason, but you really don’t!
So, if you experience any type of rejection on any level, just calmly tell yourself these five words: “It’s not me. It’s her.”
If you approach her and she won’t talk to you, it’s her (you didn’t fail)
If she won’t give you her phone number, it’s her (you didn’t fail)
If she won’t go out with you or call back, it’s her (you didn’t fail)
When you re-frame everything you do in this way, you will definitely feel different inside. You’ll probably even stay away from those negative thoughts about yourself as well.
More importantly, you’ll end up brimming with a certain type of confidence that women find very attractive – no matter what happens.
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