My Best Friend Stole My Date: What I Learned

Note: The following is a reader submission from Gary S. He is one of three winners from our “World’s Worst Rejection Story” of last month.

The Girl

Several years ago, I met this girl at a local restaurant while I was waiting for my best friend to show up. My friend and I were supposed to meet up for a couple of drinks after a long work day and I had the pleasure of getting caught up in a stimulating conversation with this very cute hostess.

She had a beautiful, feminine voice, pretty blue eyes, and best of all she laughed at all my corny jokes.

We hit it off immediately.

Before I left the restaurant, I was able to get her number and we made plans for a date the following Friday.

The Date

Friday night came and I ended up having my best friend and his date join us out for the night. We all met up at La Pace, a fancy Italian place that offered up dishes like Spaghetti Bolognese and fried squid.

The conversation went well and everybody seemed to have a good time.

The only thing that irked me a little was that my girl seemed to be paying a little bit too much attention to my friend.

She seemed to hold eye contact with him a little longer than I thought necessary and maybe smiled a little too much in his direction.

And he was not shy in returning the favor.

The Unraveling

I kind of disregarded their subtle flirtatious behavior towards each other.

I just said to myself “that’s just the way he is,” and I knew he would never go for a girl that I was interested in.

Boy was I wrong about that one.

When I dropped her off I tried to go in for a clumsy kiss but she turned her face and I ended up pecking her shoulder. She waved a quick good night and that was that.

I tried calling her a few times over the next week but she didn’t pick up and she wasn’t returning any of my calls.

Finally, I just gave up.

The Worst Part

About a month later, I drove by the same restaurant of our first date and noticed a couple walking hand in hand together inside the restaurant.

I recognized them instantly.

It was the hostess and my best friend!

My heart sank in my chest. I felt like I was numb.

How could she do this? Better yet, how could he do it?

That rejection sucked BIG time, but here’s what I learned from that experience:

Mind Your Competition

If you have a friend and you know he fancies himself as kind of a ladies man, do not bring him around any girl that you might be interested in at first.

I mean, I know there are a lot of loyal friends out there but beautiful girls have a way of turning friends against each other.

I think they like to see other men competing over them – even if it means breaking up a friendship.

So, watch this one.

No Group First Dates

Double dating might be a way to ease the pressure and anxiety that goes with hanging out with somebody new, but I don’t recommend it – particularly on the first date.

I think it’s best for two people to hang out with each other in a social setting and get to know each other that way, but save the group dates for when you know she actually likes you.

Note: If you disagree with this, see my last point.

Be Subtle About Getting Feedback

It is important to understand a girl’s body language.

It tells you all you need to know about how she feels about you and where the relationship is going.

If the date seems like it has taken a turn for the worse do not ask the girl multiple times if she is okay or if something’s wrong.

Looking back, maybe there was nothing I could have done (and I’m okay with that). Or, looking back, maybe I could have sensed things were not going well and tried something different.

Maybe it would have helped if we changed locations, or if I had asked my friend to back off a little, or if I just focused on having fun instead of thinking negatively. Who knows.

What I do know is this:

When you suffer a setback with a woman, don’t beat yourself up but try to see if you can learn something when looking back.

I did and I’ll never make those same mistakes again.

- Gary S.

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4 Comments

Tim April 14, 2012

Whoa, that sucks. I hope you’re not still friends with that guy because he’s not a real friend. He’s a douche bag!
Marcus85 April 16, 2012

Uh, no group dates in the beginning? Yeah, I’d say that’s good advice because I myself am definitely guilty of that dick move of moving in on a buddy’s prospect.

I don’t do it anymore but when you see your friend is getting nowhere with a hot chick (and you know what to do), it’s too tempting. Plus, you justify it by telling yourself, “They’re not a couple and she doesn’t seem to be that into him, so she’s fair game.”

It sucks, but it happens all the time (especially when you’re not looking).
Jimmy Nickel April 16, 2012

Marcus,

Thanks for being honest enough to admit that moving in someone your buddy likes is a “dick move.”

It’s actually a tough subject because one could argue that if your buddy is not dating her and she show’s more interest in you, you’re not breaking any rules by pursuing her yourself.

Sure, you’re being an asshole to your friend, but then again, he doesn’t own the girl. She can be with whoever she wants.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?
- Jessica April 17, 2012
  
  Wow, that is a tough one. I think you should never pursue someone you friend likes UNLESS you talk to them about it first.
  
  It kind of sucks, but just because a guy goes on one date with a girl does not mean he owns her (and vice versa). If that girl has way more in common and is more attracted to the guy’s friend, why shouldn’t the friend have a chance? Is he banned for life just because his friend liked her first?
  
  Tough questions!