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PDFIn his article Why Online Dating Is a Poor Way to Find Love, writer Key Sun argues that the lack of face-to-face interaction doesn’t make finding a partner easy online.
He also states that most people only list their positive traits on their profiles and matching people based on stated similarities guarantees no chance of connection in real life.
“People don’t fall in love with categories,” he complains.
Another argument that is popular is the idea that dating sites sell the promise of meeting someone while slowing down the process enough to collect more monthly subscriptions fees.
Are any of these claims true?
With nearly $1.5 billion spent in 2010 by 20 million dating site members, is online dating one big scam?
Maybe yes. Maybe no (but more on this in a minute).
The Chemistry Complaint
What’s easier, feeling chemistry with a woman you met online or one you are sitting with in a Starbucks?
Clearly, being physically close to someone can let you know if there is chemistry or not between you two.
If you are sharing a lot of eye contact, smiling frequently at each other, and she’s touching you a lot while talking, there’s a good chance that she’s “feeling it” too.
So, does this make online date a scam?
Yes, if you are looking to it to find chemistry with someone quickly, it may disappoint you.
Of course, if you are using it to meet a lot of people in order to decide if you two have chemistry, it’s definitely not a scam.
If you really think about it, if you wanted to find a connection with someone, you might have to wait a long time in real life to meet the large amount of women you could meet online.
Going to singles events, going to bars, or participating in social clubs or outings takes time and money. Also, there is no guaranty that you will meet anyone who is attractive and attracted to you as well.
If you look at online dating sites as online introduction tools only, then no, online dating is not a scam.
With the right profile, you could potentially set up more dates in a month than you could find all year in real life.
Of course, the ones you pursue for more dates are the ones with whom you have actual chemistry.
The Misleading Profile Complaint
“She had an extra five years and fifteen pounds over how she looked on her profile,” one buddy of mine complained after meeting a woman he met online.
As this article reminds, many times a woman is only as attractive as her worst online profile picture.
If she looks like a Victoria’s Secret model in her best picture, chances are you will not be meeting that person for coffee in real life.
In real life, if she’s older-looking, shorter, heavier, has different hair, more freckles, less white teeth, a flatter chest, or anything less than you were expecting, you might feel scammed.
If you don’t want to feel scammed, try these tips:
- Pursue beautiful women, but be realistic and don’t fantasize before meeting
- Focus on women with “natural” looking pics (little makeup, simple clothes, etc..)
- Set up meetings based on your best email exchange (not solely on her profile pics)
The Scarcity Complaint
The average attractive woman dating online will get more than 100 responses from guys in a month. If she’s VERY attractive, you can double or triple those numbers.
If you see yourself as having to compete with hundreds of other guys over few options with women, you may think online dating is a scam.
On the other hand, if you understand the reasons why women on dating sites don’t respond to men, you also understand this:
Most guys don’t even make the first cut with attractive women.
On top of that, most guys don’t even do the little bit of work on their profile to make the first cut.
A lot of these guys don’t even know about the five habits of guys who get real dates online.
Even fewer guys will go on an actual first coffee date. So, are you really competing for her with hundreds of guys or just a few?
If you are one of the guys who learns how to create a great profile and pursue properly online, the best women are not as scarce as you think.
The Bottom Line
What do a gym membership, success seminar, and an online dating membership have in common?
For those who learn, work, and take consistent action, there are great benefits to be had.
I know a lot of guys who “tried and failed” with online dating.
I also know guys who dated many attractive women and even a couple who met their future wives online.
What’s the bottom line here?
Simple.
Meeting and succeeding with women online requires the same skill-set as meeting and succeeding with them in real life.
Also, as one guy who failed miserably at online dating (at first) will tell you, it takes time and patience as well.
If you can remember this, you probably won’t see online dating as a scam.
In fact, it may be the easiest and most fun way for you to meet women that you would have never otherwise run into in real life.
It’s all up to you.
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Great article! If you have unrealistic expectations of online dating (like, a little effort for great reward), then you’ll think it’s a scam. But if guys understand the odds, put effort in both their profiles & their initial messages, and maybe try contacting girls who are cute but *don’t* look like super-models, they’re more likely to find success. I replied to tons of guys who were only average-looking because they wrote me AWESOME messages.