Why does being in the Friend Zone suck so bad?
Because, being in the Friend Zone is like working your butt off at an unpaid internship at a great company and later realizing that they have no intention of ever hiring you.
You do the work, put in the hours, and you get nothing – while some other “jerk” sails past you toward success.
The only difference is that internships can usually end after a certain time while the Friend Zone can go on forever.
If you already read this article on how to avoid the Friend Zone, you may already know the reasons you are in it right now.
If you are in it right now, here’s how to get out:
Stop the Friend Zone Behaviors
The first step toward escaping the Friend Zone is to acknowledge the fact that there are certain behaviors that got you there in the first place.
Here are the ones you want to cut out today:
- Always “being there for her” and getting back right away when she calls, texts, or wants a hang-out pal
- Being her confidante for all of her troubles and worries
- Arranging and paying for “dates” that are not really dates in the true sense of the word
Essentially, if you’re in the Friend Zone, you are probably doing all the work of a boyfriend with none of the benefits.
Now, I’m not advising you to be an unreliable, unavailable asshole. Just find a polite and believable way to avoid these behaviors.
Her: “My plans fell through for Friday night? Wanna catch a movie and get drinks afterward?”
Translation: The guy she really wants is busy Friday.
You: “That sounds awesome, but I have other plans. Next time?”
Let Her Make You Over
This part is easy.
You shop. She picks out the things that look good on you.
Or, you ask her about your hair and what style would look the best on you.
Or, ask her what kinds of clothes or outfits she finds most attractive on other men.
Either way, you are going to look like a new man with your free image overhaul (courtesy of your female “friend”).
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve received compliments from women on a shirt, jacket, or tie I was wearing that was picked out by another woman.
Now, if you are worried about imposing on her, don’t be.
Most women love helping guy friends pick out clothes, shoes, shirts, colognes, or hairstyles.
You helped her move in her new couch, picked up the phone when she got stood up, and paid for drinks or dinner before.
She’ll be glad to help you with this one.
Date Other Women
When you’re all slicked up and ready to go, it’s very possible that your female friend may now see you in a new light. You may even see signs that she now wants to be more than friends.
Things may even shoot right out of the Friend Zone into romantic or physical territory.
If this happens, great.
If not, do what any normal, red-blooded guy would do.
- Go out on dates with other women
- Ask her advice on where to take your date, how to dress, etc..
- NEVER cancel a REAL date to “hang out” with a female who has you in the Friend Zone
After your dates, it’s perfectly okay to discuss them with your female friend (minus the explicit details – be vague on these).
I know you might cringe at this last part and think, “Oh no! Then we’ll never be more than friends! She’ll think that I don’t care anymore or think I’m a jerk!”
Maybe, but she was already keeping you in a holding pattern before, right? Plus, you have every right to date around because you two are just friends, right?
Another possibility is that she will suddenly become more curious about your dates, more flirtatious with you, and maybe even a little jealous.
This is a
good great thing.
Why? Because, this puts you back in the running as a potential romantic partner and not just a platonic hang-out friend.
Don’t Break Rule Number One
During my college years, I was stuck in the Friend Zone with someone I really wanted to date.
We hung out constantly, made each other laugh all the time, but there was nothing physical going on whatsoever.
Then one day, I gave her the old, “I like you way more than friends and this is becoming too hard for me” speech.
What happened? Easy. She suddenly was too busy to hang out anymore and I never talked her again.
The lesson here is that telling a woman your “true” feelings scares them away – especially if you’re in the Friend Zone.
If you’ve cut out the Friend Zone behaviors, you’re working on your looks, and you’re meeting new women, don’t forget this Rule Number One for Friend Zone escape:
Never, ever, EVER express your true feelings about her in a direct way.
Sure, if she throws herself at you and declares her undying love, then you can say a little something back.
For anything less, try “Yeah, I think you’re awesome and I’m glad we’re buddies.”
Don’t Play Games
I hate the idea of playing games with women. Not because I think it’s morally wrong. It’s just taking the long way to a destination.
Plus, if you end up dating someone else who you like more than your female friend, don’t lead your female friend on and play with her emotions.
Because, it’s not her fault that she wasn’t attracted to you before.
You can’t be angry or upset that she didn’t find you attractive when you weren’t doing the right things to allow her to feel real attraction in the beginning.
Let me make this even more clear.
Here is you at your LEAST attractive:
- Dependable, reliable, always there for her all the time, every time
- More focused on trying to “be a great guy” than focusing on improving your physical shape, style, and appearance
- Resentful because you are only devoted to her but she does not show any signs that she’s attracted to you
Here is you at your MOST attractive:
- Less available because you are meeting and dating new women
- Focused on being attractive by working on your appearance and being more flirtatious
- Relaxed about her feelings towards you because you have other potential dating options
So, if she wants you in a physical way, go for it.
If you find someone else you like better, go for her.
Either way, you win.
If you’re in the Friend Zone with an attractive woman, you probably HATE hearing about how you’re such a nice guy – especially when she won’t even kiss you.
If this is you, read How to Kill Your “Nice Guy” Side for Good.